It doesn't matter how long ago, I left. It doesn't matter how long I was there. My hope is that this becomes a place that I, and others like me can speak out against Xenos Christian Fellowship and the pain that the church causes its members.
My hope that others can share their stories. My true hope that there are either major changes in Xenos or that it dies as a church. Either way, my hope is that no one else is ever hurt by them again.
Maybe you'd like my story. It begins like so many others who were hurt. I came to Christ and started attending a college home group. It was wonderful at first. Then I did my first thing wrong. I got to be captive while two leaders told me what I'd done wrong. A 20 minute drive of how wrong I was. I was still learning this new life. Similar scenarios unfolded over the next years. These people still truly believe that they did nothing wrong. I think they feel it's their role to show people their depravity. Whenever I was hurt or wronged and i said so, I was once again subjected to a lecture on how wrong I was. I was in the church a decade before a single person apologized to me. I wish I could know that person now.
Dating in the college group is sheer torture. People actually showed up on dates. I was grilled in the ministry house after every date. They were sure we were sleeping together. No, that wasn't us. That was our respective ministry house leaders who were also dating.
I issued to ultimatum to Spouse to leave when I just got fed up. We've been looking at new churches. Everyone we've been to has families that have left for reasons very similar to ours.
If this comes to the attention of anyone in Xenos, I have no doubt they'll say that I'm bitter. I am. I'm kind of hoping that Dennis shows up. He's always a little funny with his posts about how Xenos is a great church and that people who have a problem with it are in fact the ones with the problems.
Good bye for now.
Hey Moving On, I left a cult once upon a time. It wasn't Xenos but another brand of bible-based cult. My spouse stayed. We split. It hurt a lot but it really is just Jesus that matters, not any of our modern day "I wanna be God too" leaders, whether they are a home church do it yourselfer or a big wheel with lots of history. I feel your pain. I salute your courage.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I have seen marriages fail in this church, because one spouse was advised by leaders 'step back' from the 'less committed' spouse. They never openly advocate divorce, but they despise 'unequally yoked' relationships. If your marriage is struggling, this might not be the best place to get help.
DeleteThank you for sharing this
ReplyDeleteHi. My name is Scott Risley. I'm an elder in Xenos and a pastor in the college ministry. I'm surprised to hear these kinds of things are happening in our ministry. We specifically train our leaders not to overstep their boundaries as leaders (see especially the second half of this paper: http://www.xenos.org/classes/leadership/leadershipandauth.html)
ReplyDeleteIf this sort of thing is happening I would love for you to report it so we can investigate it and make sure that it stops. If you'd like to give more details I would be happy to look into this more closely. You can contact me on facebook (facebook.com/smrisley).
I would add that our church has a great reputation in the broader evangelical community in the U.S. We are an extension site for Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, one of the top seminaries in the U.S. and we feature well known speakers at our summer institute every year. We also have warm relationships with the other major churches and parachurches in town. And we spend millions of dollars and countless man hours per year on nationally recognized ministries helping the poor like Urban Concern (urbanconcern.org/).
Scott,
DeleteWithin the last month I have been approached by a father who son was going to be kicked out of a Ministry house for not complying with the wishes of the ministry house leader (age 22). The offense? His son refused to manipulate a farely new attendee (18) to go to OSU as opposed to another college (where he could not have attended Xenos). These practices were going on at all levels of Xenos back when I attended in the 1980s. I suggested to the father he meet with the Homegroup leader and stop the manipulation. The Homegroup leader seemed somewhat disinterested in the conversation but did say that he would talk to the Ministry house leader. He did not however show surprise at the accusation by the father. Perhaps it is time to meet with the Ministry House Leaders face-to-face and teach them "Decision Making and the Will of God." (I'm sure you have taught it before) and tell these leaders that Xenos doesn't believe in the Dot view of God's will. Which of course means that no Ministry House Leader should be telling people in their house that it "is God's Will that an individual attend OSU."
This manipulation disguised as the will of God has been a problem since the mid-1970s at least. Further Ministry Houses have been where most of the abuse complaints have been focused. Finally College Ministry Houses have the lion-share of Minstry House abuse complaints. So as "an elder in Xenos and a pastor in the college ministry," to say that you are surprised strains credulity.
However historically these types of discussions are not welcome inside the leaders meetings and that is probably why the Homegroup leaders are not reporting these incidents up to you. Or at least not with full disclosure as to the abuse.
Im sorry what happened. But do you realize that it hurts me (a xenos go-er) to see all these posts about how much people hate me and my church? You might be helping some, but your hurting more. Most things people say are assumed and incorrect. I've been at xenos for a year and it is a very good church for teens and college students. there is 3 happy couples in my home church. also, nobody has ever told me i was wrong unless i really was. I agreed to listen as well. And it benefitted me. SO, I'm sorry that you had a bad experience. But i'd appreciate if you didn't judge everyone that goes there. Im sure there was faulty teachers, but not everyone is bad.
ReplyDeleteLet me start out by saying that I do not believe that Xenos is a cult. Let me preface that by stating that I do not believe in their teachings. As near as I can tell the whole basis on Xenos theology is the premise that Jesus is God, I personally do not believe that, I believe that he is quite simply the Son of God, not God him or her self.
ReplyDeleteI once was a member of Xenos Christian Fellowship but after a lengthy discussion with a couple of group leaders, I left. I was told that my salvation was in jeopardy because I don't believe that Jesus is God, I believe that he was given all authority to rule over creation by God and I believe that he died for all of my sins, past, present and future. I took what they were telling me as "You're going to hell because you don't believe like we do." It was requested by these two leaders that I no longer attend the mens group. I was also requested to no longer ask questions in home church because they felt my questions were meant to make people doubt their faith and Xenos's so called biblical teachings although I could ask in private if I wanted. The questions I asked were all based on my own life experience, biblical knowledge/understanding and because what they were teaching caused conflicts and confusion in my own head that I wanted cleared up.
I harbor no ill-feelings or ill-will against Xenos or their leaders but their ways are definately not my ways and I do not believe what they teach as I do not believe what the vast majority of evangelical christians teach/believe. Once again I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, not God and I believe that he did indeed die for all of my sins.
Moe,
ReplyDeleteWas in Xenos for 7 years and find your comments very consistent with what I experienced. Despite a significant amount of knowledge of scripture, lay leaders seem to be promoted based on their sycophancy (brown nosing) rather than maturity in Christ (oximoronic I know). Although there are very good reasons to believe that Christ was divine not just the first created thing.
One of the major questions in Colossians 1:15,18 is the meaning of prototokos. Although the the etymology of prototokos would indicate "first to be born," its development and synchronic usage leads to the meaning "preeminent," or "standing in a special relation." Another question is the syntax of "pases ktiseos" (all creation). Some have suggested that it is a partitive genitive, meaning that Christ is firstborn of all creatures, Christ himself being one of those creatures. Arius took this position when he declared that Christ was a created being, not
eternally existent. A more plausible interpretation is that the genitive is one of relation. Christ is the firstborn (preeminent one) in relation to all creation. Christ himself is not a part of the creation, but is Lord over the creation. Col. 1:15 may have its roots in Psalm 89:27 where a similar construction is used of the king of Israel, Messianically interpreted as Jesus.
To the point: Mature Christian leaders are never flustered by questions about ideas core to Christian belief. NEVER. In fact I often play devil's advocate and teach the heresy (in small groups) and ask why is my view not at least as reasonable as the orthodox view? Any of my students would have quickly shared the word study of prototokos and the hermeneutical principals that allow us to interpret what the first century audience would have understood Paul to mean in this passage. They would have persuaded you intellectually over time that Christ was fully God and fully man (hypostatic union). And they would have helped you understand the triune nature of God ( One God Three Persons) and that the teaching of the those concepts flowed directly from the Apostle's teaching and were not ideas introduced centuries later.
It is due to elevating individuals to leadership before they have acquired the requisite knowledge, skills and character that has cause the unfortunate response from the Xenos homegroup leaders you mentioned above.
Remember only 2 Bishops took Arius' position at the Council at Nicaea in 325. Few NT scholars have interpreted Col. 1:15 as implying that Jesus was created.
some referrences:
http://www.ibiblio.org/bgreek/test-archives/html4/1997-02/17330.html
http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/christ-divinity.htm
If you are willing to invest 16+ hours a week and want to learn a lot about bible study, evangelism, discipleship, and planting churches then Xenos is the place for you.
ReplyDeleteImmaturity, manipulation, and lack of moral (I haven't shared the salacious details and probably won't but they're stunning) and emotional development (bunch of 2-year olds throwing temper tantrums is they don't get their way) in leadership doesn't rise to the level of Cult. But it does sting quite a bit due to the relational investment. I would only recommend this group to someone with a strong backbone who is willing to throw-down if a so-called leader tries to manipulate or abuse them (this is how I survived 7 years) . Lots of conformity here and most are ignorant of that fact until they have been gone a few years.
I started attending Xenos Christian Fellowship (1995) after accepting Jesus Christ in July 1993 after reading most of the New Testament. My neighbors in the apartment building in Grandview Ohio (43212) invited me and it was really the first Christian church I attended after accepting Jesus Christ. I grew up Presbyterian/ Lutheran but came to dislike the meaningless ritual and hymn singing. I started getting acquainted with Xenos after taking some Christian courses. I have struggled with same sex attraction most of my life but kept this a secret for very good reasons because I did not want to experience prejudice or people to treat me differently. Unfortunately, people like to gossip and treat individuals differently...I did not want the labeling and the drama. Besides, I was a new creation with Jesus Christ. I was not proud of that. Fast forward, 2002 the men's cell group must have suspected that I had homosexual tendencies and they approached me and I was honest and told them I struggled with same sex attraction. Unfortunately, I experienced prejudice notably from the Home Group leaders (mostly the husband)...things that were said...attitude...dissing...It was not good. I kept my mouth shut and did not say anything...because I thought it wouldn't do any good....I didn't want the drama or negativity...but I soon found myself feeling very uncomfortable in the group. I did not feel the Love of Christ...I felt like I was in a clique....outside looking in. The Home Group husband said and did things that were not Christ-like. I think what's being preached in the pulpit is good, but I experienced a lot of uncomfortableness. There were numerous occasions that I experienced odd behaviors and stuff that made me very uncomfortable. After talking to people who were involved in Xenos and reading reviews and stories from people's experiences in Xenos, I must not be alone with what I experienced.
ReplyDeleteAll, I have gone to mainstream churches since I was born. Literally. Until I became a young adult and couldn't stomach the legalism, guilt and shame associated with mainstream faiths. I left the church for ten years and then found Xenos.
ReplyDeleteI found Bible teachings rather than preaching. I found a dedication to understanding the bible in a deep and detailed way. I found an understanding of grace and I found proof of my salvation in Christ through his word.
What I also found was that among these wonderful things were imperfect people. People, even in leadership who were imperfect. Always learning and always growing. I have also seen mistakes by leadership and layman alike.
I remember growing up in church where everybody seemed to be the perfect Christian. They knew how to act. What to say. What was expected. But you know, much of it wasn't real. It was a fake till you make it mentality.
At Xenos, I found it's real humanity that struggles and wrestles with flesh vs. spirit. With that comes human mistakes and sometimes people get hurt.
How many times have we hurt the people we love? Can we count the number of times whether big or small ways?
If so, don't you think it is reasonable that there will be occasions where church leaders might have done the same?
I can tell you this, I have been hurt much more by the mainstream churches growing up with teachings that forced me to beg God for salvation every single night and hope and pray I didn't commit a single sin that might keep me out of Gods favor prior to His return.
Even so, I know the people at the churches I grew up in were good people. With that said, Xenos people are good people too even though sometimes some of their people make mistakes.
"I can tell you this, I have been hurt much more by the mainstream churches growing up with teachings that forced me to beg God for salvation every single night and hope and pray I didn't commit a single sin that might keep me out of Gods favor prior to His return."
ReplyDeleteThat was NOT the gospel of Christ. What a horrible way to live!
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ReplyDeleteI moved to the Columbus area in 2005 and through work met a couple of ladies that attend Xenos. They invited me to Home Group meetings and I attended some. I attended an Intro to the Bible class, had a separate Bible study with a member. When that study was over I got busy with life, then I started feeling empty after feeling so connected. I did a lot of praying and decided to attend the Bible Teaching at the main campus. When I was there I came across a brochure of a Christian Growth Class. I was saved but was stuck, not knowing what to do next. It was like I knew I should be doing something, but I didn't know what. The second I saw it, I knew that is what I should do, so I signed up for the class and enjoyed the classes and I learned a lot about what it meant to be a Christian. I started reading the Bible almost daily, I purchased some books at the book store and I try to put the Lord at the fore front of my life instead of letting him slide to the side or the back of my life and making him a priority. I am not a member of Xenos nor do I attend Home Church on a regular basis, but I am a growing Christian and Xenos assists me in the ways I need to grow and be a more Christ like person. I went to a lot of different churches in my life, but always felt that they go through all there traditions and preach a lot, sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn't, but no matter, they did their weekly sermon. I don't feel that way at Xenos. They will go over a Book in the Bible in a teaching way so that it is understandable, they will take questions. A lot of times I listen to the lessons on the website, so I can play them back. A lot of their lessons hit home and I find what I need in my life.
ReplyDeleteThis church, while filled with many sincere believers, also has an underlying (but subtle) power structure that keeps tight reigns on the members. If you ever disagree theologically with its leaders, or are not as 'invested' in discipleship as they think you should be, you will at some point be driven out and shunned. I think that while this this church has done some good in this city, legalism and a strange liberal militancy has infected many of its leaders. They do preach grace, but often forget to practice it.
ReplyDeleteThey study the Word of God, but it is just Empty Words. One can be damaged by this. I recommend avoiding this place. They nicknamed me "The Assassin". Their college sphere even illegally has made copies of Logos software.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.facebook.com/john.wilkins2
Don't let this deter your search for truth.
I was sexually assaulted by another Xenos church member in February of 2013. It broke my heart. Not only had i been violated and wounded, but i had been hurt by a brother in Christ, a friend who i had trusted and cared about. I was 16 at the time and terribly afraid of opening up about the experience. I never told my home church leaders about what happened... Instead I met with one of the college leaders I was studying the bible with and told her that I felt God was calling me to leave the church. After my decision to leave I was contacted by nearly every member of my group and questioned as to how this could possibly be God's will. Those who didn't reach out simply ignored me. I left the end of my sophomore year of high school and still had to see several of the people who I had gone to Xenos with on a weekly basis. This experience absolutely crushed me. Not only did I feel abused, violated, and extremely valueless; but I also felt terribly invalidated as a victim of sexual violence and a human being... The experience was truly aweful.
ReplyDeleteMy story, I hope, is a rare one. I hope that no one else has been wounded this deeply and intimately. But I can't help but have my doubts about that.
Sometimes I feel like this kind of off color stuff is encouraged there by a lack of supervision and a strong emphasis on having intensely close relationships with each other, especially co-ed ones. There are definitely boundaries that could have prevented what happened to me from ever occurring.
While I can't say from experience that Xenos is 100% a cult, it tends to leave A LOT of people leaving wounded and confused and that is NOT the desire Christ has for his children.
Even if what happened to me was a singular event, the very fact that it happened even once proves that there needs to be some serious changes made in Xenos.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Personally i know how hard it is to come out about stuff like that but To this day, did you ever tell anyone? Just to see what they would do about it? And if you havent, will you? Maybe when youre at a good point in your healing process?
DeleteI am so sorry that happened to you. Personally i know how hard it is to come out about stuff like that but To this day, did you ever tell anyone? Just to see what they would do about it? And if you havent, will you? Maybe when youre at a good point in your healing process?
DeleteThank you for understanding. No, I never told anyone with authority in the church. I'm afraid it's been to long.
DeleteI had not planned to comment on this thread but after reading your situation I would like to say that I'm so sorry that happened to you and that things like that should never happen anywhere Xenos or otherwise. I know that sadly it is too common though I've had so many friends that have had experiences similar to yours in various life situations. I want to let you know as well I believe it's never too late to come forth about these things if there is something that can be done to change I think it is important that those in power to make those changes can hear so things like what happened to you never happen again. I will pray for you and your continued healing
ReplyDeleteI see they're appointing another McCallum to eldership (Brett). What do they call that? Oh yeah, Nepotism. Guess they didn't learn their lesson after the whole Buck McCallum debacle.
ReplyDeleteFind out more about Xenos at...http://xenoscult.simplesite.com/
ReplyDeleteI was very young, 2-12,when I attended Xenos, but we were quite involved. We were all very close and for the most part very happy...into later into my youth, the leader, and a best family friend of our group sexually abused me for a few years... Found out he did it to other family's kids. He ended up going to jail, but the damage had been undeniable. Also some members were mentally unstable, I saw first hand physical abuse and instability with some members. Things I will never forget. A peer I ran into later in my adulthood and I discussed Xenos. He flat out said we grew up in a cult, and I had never thought about it that way... I hear and see things a little differently now, and think some practices were crazy. Aside from the breach of trust and youth, the majority of people were loving, good people. Some bad individuals, just like any other group. But I do think the pressures and tithes from the top were a bit much. I habe no knowledge of things since the early 90s. But alas, I will say that I'm no longer interested in secular religion. I found my own journey... But it's odd to see so many accounts. I do think they really helped a lot of lost people and gave them good foundations to live a non destructive healthy life. But I can't say much, I experienced it through the eyes of a child.
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ReplyDeleteI lost my sons to this cult, I attended the church once but knew by the schedule my sons have kept to for this place made it clear, however the very close bond has been broken, I have cried out to God many times over this loss, but never have I spoke to my sons about what I know,I never want to close the door on possibilities nor do I love them less, I pray that the leaders have not instructed them to distance themselves because I am MOM!! Cults are the devil's playground , the leaders are the bullies who lead the Child of God into "Follow the Leader" obedient to the leader only the ones picked can join
ReplyDeleteI expect your sons will leave before very long. There are nearly countless ex-members. Words will make no sense and bear no relation to actions. Recovery can be nasty, though. The group's preferred adolescent converts eventually grow up and reject the bullying. There's nothing cult like about Xenos except all the abuse they heap on their captures.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, they are really messed up.
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